The Hypothetical Food Truck Riot

One day, I will document how much I hated planning a wedding. And it was my wedding. I’m not a "wedding" person but I bit the bullet and did the thing.

Yay. Weddings give me purpose as an ovary-dominate person

One evening, I was over at my parents having dinner and we were talking about weddings. Because why waste the time talking about interesting stuff when there's a wedding.

Background information you need to know - so far, my Mom had blown the budget. I mean, she blew my proposed budget about 2 seconds after I showed her how much money it would cost for certain things and how I was going to keep the cost down. We were a couple months in at this point..

It's cool. I’m not paying for it financially, only emotionally.

And emotions don’t count.

Here we are, my loving parents and me, sitting around the table and this conversation happened:

Dad: This spending is out of control for this wedding. Do you realize 50% of marriages end in divorce, this is a lot of money to invest in something that has a 50% failure rate. If that was an investment fund, you wouldn't invest in it.

My Dad makes strong points.

Maddie: I know. I was ok with eloping to Vegas and just getting the money you would spend on a wedding in cash. Non-sequential, unmarked bills, I might add.
Mom: We have the money, what are you worrying about? This is a celebration! How often does your only daughter get married.

She had a valid point. I would never get married again.

Dad: Remember Jerry Petievich’s daughter?
Maddie: *eating steak, doesn't care*
Dad: Jerry Petievich’s daughter got married, what, a couple months ago?
Mom: It was a very nice wedding.
Dad: ...he was telling us about it when we went to visit and he was saying how out of control this whole thing is. He was saying they had a food truck pull up to serve hamburgers and milkshakes at the end of the night. Can you believe that? Out of control what you can spend on these weddings. It's so much money just down the drain. Food trucks, can you believe that? Hey, how expensive would it be to get a food truck at your wedding?
Maddie: *eating steak, doesn't care*
Dad: How much would it be?
Maddie: I really have no idea.

As a side note, we punked my Dad like 500 times with this wedding thing. I would print out the most horrible pictures of wedding dresses and say that was the one I got or tell him it was like a million dollars a person. It was great.

Dad: Well, who is that caterer girl?
Mom: Monica. He name is Monica.
Dad: Get that Monica on the phone, ask her how much it would be to have a hamburger food truck. And a milkshake food truck. You can't have hamburger without milkshakes.
Maddie: *unsure if this is a trap* ...We don’t need a food truck, Dad. I don't want one or anything. I think we'll have enough food there.
Dad: You know what, we’re in Philadelphia. It should be a cheesesteak food truck.
Mom: Yes! Cheesesteaks and milkshakes at the end of the night. Great idea! How amazing would that be when people are leaving they can get cheesesteaks and milkshakes right there? I think that would be great.

I had finished my steak, so, I was pretty sure I was being punked.

Dad: How much would that cost? At the end of the night if these trucks pulled up.
Maddie: Look, Monica is busy. I’m not going to ask her to price something out for no reason.
Dad: Well, let’s see how much it is first.

(Name dropping that I know someone who knows Gerald Petievich who is an American crime writer. He was a United States Secret Service Special Agent from 1970-1985. The following films were made of his novels: To Live and Die in L.A., The Sentinel, and Boiling Point)

As a dutiful daughter, I emailed Monica - when I had to email her, I always called her a different name. It was rarely her own name:

Strawberry!!
Thanks so much for your help today. :) it was cool seeing your sassy shoes. Woo! Now, on to a NEW demand. (Bwhahahahah!!). My adorable father was like, "hey, how about a food truck to serve burgers/cheesesteaks and shakes at the end of the night?" He said a lot of other things, but, I was eating steak. Remember when it was summer yesterday? So - have you ever...had a food truck show up at a venue? Or does jscottcatering (of course, one word) have one of those? Like…in a pocket or something? The idea is as people are filtering out they can get a burger/shake and head on their way.

Monica replied:

Hi muffin!!
Yay!! Such a good morning my pleasure!!  Love where Dad’s head is at BUT I can of course can do you one better we have our custom made cheesesteak grill where we can actually make the cheesesteaks in front of everyone!!! We can always walk them around as will with shakes no problem … I can get pricing for you, let me know what you think about the cheesesteaks and I can look into the other as well! ~Monica

We weren’t done. I reported this back to my Dad. The price and how it would work out. A lot of conversation happened which I think it important to note. Due to those conversations, I had to draft and send this email:

I think my parents have two concerns - one, that some people will leave before the end so how do we tell how many people to order cheesesteak/milkshake for. Not the full guest list, right?  

Next, how do we prevent people from taking more than 1? I mean, obviously, if someone comes up and says, "I want 100 cheesesteaks and 500 milkshakes". . .you know. . .someone is going to laugh at them. I told my parents, I assume you guys got this stuff down to a science.  

Just to clarify - second major concern - heart attacks happening in the parking lot due to over-consumption of cheesesteaks. Riots also breakout, women’s stiletto shoes go flying as they scream, "This milkshake brought me to the yard, but, it's mine!" Someone else screams, "There's no more left! He got them all!" Car tires screech, dripping cheese on the road, while children lean out of the windows hurling milkshakes at anyone who tries to stop them. 911 is called, police confiscate the cheesesteak grill and it is said they are eating the supplies. Torches are lit and a group marches from Molly Maguire's, flags hoisted as they sing the battle cry of the People - a cheesesteak and milkshake for all! Helicopters circle the venue. . .the US, Russia, Ukraine and the European Union are brought in to negotiate. . . 

Pinterest THAT, sister. 

Monica replied twice – first email:

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I might need to save this email , by far the best one yet…I cant even process the question yet because I am crying laughing!
~Monica

So, production got stopped a little until she got to send the  second email:

Most people will only take one if they take one at all lol…the milkshakes we can make in the back and walk those around if you want to. Also , we can probably price them out for a lower guest count since it will be later than if there is any overage, you have a few days after the wedding to pay it. I will not have any flag rising on my watch! But of course will save the shoes!

And that’s the story of how cheesesteaks and milkshakes got served at my wedding while still maintaining a zero fatalities or causalities.