Christmas 2017 Out of Office (OOO)

I like to make feisty Out of Office (OOO) messages for my company people. I mean, who wants to read: "Hello, I am currently out of the office I will return on _____."

BORING.

I only took the day after Christmas off, and while over Thanksgiving I tried to anticipate needs (check out my post: Thanksgiving Week 2017 Out of Office Message) for this OOO, I just wanted to point out the type and quality of information you get from me.

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Hello,

Your email has successfully reached Maddie, Learning Analyst on Training and Talent Development.

If you require any learning, analyst, training, talent or development related products or services, I suggest YouTube or perhaps a warm cup of a beverage of your choice as I will be out of the office until Wednesday, December 27.

If this is some type of emergency that is suited to my profession – you can send an email to the team and someone who didn’t get into the nog will get back to you.

Here is some content to mull over:

• Mercury is out of retrograde.
• My brother was a child prodigy and he now attends circus school.
• Partridge prices remained steady but pear trees rose in value.
• The next full moon is the Wolf Moon and it will be a super moon.
• “Dad” is slowly becoming an adjective.
• I have gone over 100 days without maceing myself.

Maddie

Direct Line: XXX-XXX-XXXX

Non-Direct Line:  XXX-XXX-XXXX ext. XXX

Email: StoriesbyMaddie@gmail.com

The Little Drummer Boy

What I like about “The Little Drummer Boy” is that this kid has nothing but this drum he can play, like, all he has is his creativity and probably this handmade skin-over-wood drum, right? 

And you gotta understand, he’s going to visit this group of people and a person who are bigger than anything that has ever existed in his world. This boy is walking to see the savior of the world…even if you don’t believe in Jesus…it’s probably like seeing the biggest celebrity you love or scientist who changed the world or thinker who changed a country.

Someone really big who you have one chance to impress. And everyone else is bringing their best and most expensive things as tribute. Imagine going to a royal wedding - what gift would you wrapped up to prove you are worthy?

See, all this kid has is music and a God-given talent.

And that’s the gift. Grace. Grace, the verb, means to honor someone - grace and honor are intangible. It's not gold or like a really cool pair of shoes.

The grace in this song is that everything given to you by birth and life and by God is meant to be shared and given to others. When the Little Drummer Boy played his drum, it was the grace inside him that he gave.

That ability to give grace, falls on all of us because we are put on earth with this radiance inside of us.

You are put on this earth with the radiance inside you. A radiance that is more than worthy to set before something or someone as big as God.

So, what are you doing with your radiance?

Something-Something Birthday

When I was a kid, my Mom told me no one was around in the summer, so, I couldn't have a birthday party. Honestly, I had no idea where people went - they went to the beach, or, as we say around here, down the shore - or Europe or whatever. We didn't do that or have another house somewhere.

As a child, I always had family birthday and I love my family and it was always fun and everyone around me had fun. I just never had a party with friends or did anything, really.

By 16, I was pretty much over birthdays because I hate being the center of attention for no constructive reason.

When I turned 18, my Aunt told me that I was an adult and there would be no more presents or parties. I also hate parties ESPECIALLY parties about me or for me. I think I actually threw up in my mouth a little thinking about it.

I never understood the "birthday month" or "birthday week" or whatever. It was just a day and I was an adult. So, in general, I never thought birthdays were a big deal, ya know. Now it's really awkward because - and I assume because I am female..

People: Awww, hey! Birthday girl! You turning 21
Maddie:...Uhh...
People:...*WINK WINK*
Maddie: Nope. I'm like over 30.
People: Birthday week or birthday month? What are you doing? Fancy dinner out? Casinos? Trip somewhere?
Maddie: Well, it's a Tuesday, so, I'll be here at work...and I have to take my cat to get his anal glands squeezed.
People:...
Maddie:...
People:...
Maddie:...Well met, friend! Back to work. Tralala!

I mean, what am I going to do?

My whole birthday experience can be summed up in a four year process from high school. Every year I would wish this guy in high school happy birthday on his birthday. Now, in high school, when you wished someone the opposite sex something it normally meant you liked them...in that way.

But we had a SPECIAL connection.

And every year we had this conversation:

Maddie: Happy birthday!
Dude: Oh, thanks. Yeah.
Maddie:...
Dude: ...Uh, you know, it's weird you always remember my birthday and I never remember yours.
Maddie: ...Really?
Dude: ...*ahem*...yeah
Maddie: ...
Dude: ...
Maddie: ...*narrows eyes*
Dude: ...
Maddie: ...
Dude: ...
Maddie: ...
Dude: ...
Maddie: ...
Dude: ...
Maddie: IT'S THE SAME DAY!

Websites I Waste Time At

If I have to waste time, these are some of the places I go. Take a look-see and maybe you can waste some time playing around with some pretty or unique little games or. . .activities? IDK what you call these things.

Enjoy!


The Genius Deck
http://thegeniusdeck.com/
I use this when writing and I am stuck on what to do next in the plot or something. Sometimes things are a crossroad and I don't know what to do with it. So, I click on this sight to get some advice.

Bouncy Balls
https://bouncyballs.org/
I often get mad at this one, but, I do enjoy playing with all the settings and watching the colorful balls bounce around. Balls. WEEEE!

Feed the Head 
http://www.feedthehead.net/
This is part game, part fidget-toy. I thought I knew everything about it until I found other things I can do. Two thumbs up! Go play.

Silk
http://weavesilk.com/
I play with this during conference calls - sometimes I share my screen and play with it while other people watch. Sometimes they play on their own. You can even save the image.

ThisIsSand
http://www.thisissand.com/
This is not sand, this is just a fun little activity game thing. You can create sand art like when you are a kid and you have that colored sand stuff at carnivals.

Too Close

These actions are far too close to each other to create a supportive and safe space.

Karl the Jello

Otis: I have a question, when you moved, did you take the Jell-O with you?
Maddie: You mean Karl?

STORY TIME!

When I moved into my second real apartment, probably in like 2007-2008, I decided I would do the most adult thing I knew how to do.

I made a box of orange Jell-O. I poured it into my highball glasses and…that’s about it. I mean, it’s Jell-O.

I ate all but one of them because by the time one was left , I didn’t want it. I actually found I often leave a little behind when it comes to food or quick-grab things. Anyhow, the Jell-O stayed in the fridge.

On what seems like an unrelated note – but totally related – around this time I was really getting into Norse mythology. I was reading “Lay of the Rig.”

In this poem...you read about...a lot of stuff. Let's not get into that.

The point is, there is a character, Karl (Churl), and Karl represents the freeman. The working class. The people who make stuff happen and who aren’t noble but aren’t poor.

And I was like THAT’S ME! This is who I was, this was who I wanted to be. Rough complexion, fighting for the common person. I was in year two of my treatment, I had just sorta mostly beaten death. I was on my own.

Yeah! I was Karl. A non-servile peasant inclined to uncivil or loutish behavior. Mostly through burps and farts.

Or more specifically, that’s what I named the Jell-O because I had a name and I wasn't going to throw out the Jell-O so I might as well name it.

And Karl just stood in the back of my fridge showing me where the back of the fridge was and not bothering anyone. The water evaporated out and left this orange shell which was slightly textured but overall quite plastic-like.

Fast-forward to 2015, I was married and we were moving from my apartment and into an adult-place. I mean, what do you do?

Pack up Karl and take him with you, obviously.

Karl still remains in the back of my refrigerator, close to the jar of bacon fat, letting me know where the back of the fridge is. What sort of person would be if I had thrown him out?

Sometimes I even take him out for dinner parties.

And that is the Story of Karl.

For future reading:

• The Lay of Rig from The University of Pittsburg
• Wikipedia entry on Rígsþula
• What is Jelly Made Of?
• How Long is Does Jelly Last?

The Sad-Happy-Face Time Story

I had this group of friends from college, we don’t talk NOW but…we were inseparable during those years and maybe a year or so after. That’s life. Sometimes you have really good friends and you just sort of move on.

That’s not the point of this story.

So, since I saw them so much, I got to know their faces.

I am never sure why the stereotype of men, or anyone, is that they don’t notice when something on someone had changed that they love and see everyday – like a haircut or color change or when their style is different. When you see something every day one way, and then it changes, wouldn’t you notice?

 I think you should notice.

You have to notice.

Guys, GUYS. This is how the pod people are going to get to us. They are going to get in there and steal someone and make a copy they'll get like a couple details wrong and if you don’t notice…well…end of dayz.

In all seriousness, changes in appearance or behavior, however slight, could be deep indicators for other things.

Anyhow, about a year after graduation, I’m living up to my potential by working a part-time retail job in a stationary store and my friend, let’s call him Akeno, comes to visit. He's going to grad school because he's smart.

He's talking to me and something is weird on his face. He always had this birthmark mole thing above his eye and today it looked like it threw up. So I say:

Maddie: What’s wrong with your face?
Akeno: Uhh, nothing, why?
Maddie: It’s like your birthmark threw up all over your forehead. Get that look at or something.

A couple weeks later Akeno messages me and the conversations could be boiled down to this:

Akeno: Hey. Hi. How you doing? Good. Good.
Maddie: What’s up?
Akeno: I went to the doctor and that thing on my face was skin cancer.
Maddie: Eww.
Akeno: Yeah.
Maddie: You going to die?
Akeno: Na, he just removed it so now I have a scar. He said it would go away. I have to go back for tests later, but, he said nothing to worry about.
Maddie: That’s a bummer. No scar? Chicks dig scars.
Akeno: And how.
Maddie: Dude, you’re a cancer survivor.
Akeno: I totally am.
Maddie: Can you get like discounted stuff now?
Akeno: Maybe. Anyhow, I wouldn’t have noticed that if you hadn’t said something. But you said it and I went to the doctor. So, thanks.

The point is, always tell people if their face looks weird or if these little things are off. And if someone tells you your face looks weird or something seems unhealthy, have that checked out by a professional as soon as you can.