When I Started My Divorce

I am divorcing my husband. There you go. Now you know.

No, I don’t hate him. No, I don’t feel anything negative toward him. I’m not bitter or hateful. It has been a long, complicated year and I needed to make this decision.

While it sucks letting go of what you wish you could fix and what you thought you were going to build only to face the prospect of restarting all over again - I’m not unhappy with the decision to move on however painful that process is.

I am currently living with my parents while he and I sell the condo and get everything settled and done. My family has been marvelous and supportive in everything.

I do know one thing, the collection of friends and rather random acquaintances who were suddenly there during the absolutely worst part of this realization to listen to me, to offer their own stories, to make me laugh, and to offer reassurance and recommendations, unbeknownst to them, restored my faith in humanity and gave me a lot of hope that I think I lost.

I think it is so easy to harden the heart or be bitter when crappy stuff happens to you or turn away when crappy stuff happens to someone else. I can confirm, there is still so much good in people and good in the world.

I am doing ok. I would say a large part of where I am is… loneliness. If you have a second to send me a text now and again - maybe an article you read that’s cool, or a picture of something funny – that would be awesome. I’m an avid texter, if you didn’t know.

I’m sure I’ll be up for some companionship and drinks or coffee to break up the pin-point focus I’ve had to maintain soon enough. So, don't completely write me off as I go through what I got to go through.

So. That's... my report on this whatever day of 2018.

This Random Conversation

This is an actual conversation I had with a person to prove how important my imput is:

Stacy: Hello
Maddie: Burger
Stacy: When you review for Tim make sure he has one activity per module
Maddie: Pipe cleaner
Stacy: I told him to in the email i sent
Maddie: Flea
Stacy: And if he didn't he needs to
Maddie: Butter
Stacy: Just sayin'
Maddie: Ostrich
Stacy: What does that even mean?
Maddie: Hopscotch

Nail Polish Picking Anxiety

If you didn’t know, mostly when you go to a nail salon to get your nails did, you first pick out the color polish you want. I think for a normal person – even a normal indecisive person – this is a pretty routine thing.

What happens with me?

I spend about 2 hours researching what color I want. I always have standbys like a classic red or soft pink. But I do spend a good amount of time before I go into the salon trying to decide what I want. 

And by "want" I mean. . .I look at this processes like every color is a dying person who needs a kidney and I have two and I am going to give one to one of them. This is not a nail polish selection, this is the GIFT OF LIFE.

The problem with my research is that once you get into the salon, you can never be sure they have that color. Maybe the carry the brand, but not that color. Maybe they carry that color but not in that brand. 

Also, who made up so many colors? We can’t, as humans, tell the difference between a lot of them. Then again, different companies have different formulas so you want to pick a brand that has good staying power.

But who cares! I walk up to the polish wall  - the rainbow of polishes arranged by brand and color – and…yep. Panic.

Sheer panic.

Every time.

All my prepwork means nothing. NOTHING. I can’t find anything.

Normally if I stand there too long someone comes over to try to help me. And by help, I mean move me along because this is a goddamn place of business, lady.

This Sound I Once Heard

I college, during psychology class, one of the students was pulled from the class into the hall. We all knew why.

It was a small college. She was the best friend of a girl who had been involved in a car accident who was in a coma in the ICU for the past three or four days. The other people in the car had died the night of the crash and in succession, she was the last.

There was this odd silence as the professor just stopped her words. Not stopped talking, but like, the words seemed to mellow into silence over just stopping.

From the hall this sound erupted – the words were: "Oh my god. No."

I remember the sound that carried those words. Through the cement blocks and layers of paint, the carpets and ceiling, it would be cheap to say it was the sound of a heart breaking. I think I spent years of my life re-hearing that sound and not sure how to describe it. I had been in other situations where people had screamed and cried. It was never that sound.

What comes the closest to explaining it was that heart already had been broken. It was actual the sound hope makes when it dies. It was understood from the night of the accident, nothing would ever be the same, it was known this girl was pulled from the wreckage probably only held together with her skin. It was known the situation was grave. All of that is heartbreaking.

It’s heartbreaking when a beloved relative or parent dies. When illness or accident claims someone suddenly or quickly. Because hope generally surrenders quietly and slips from these rooms and hearts with a quiet dignity while the bodies and souls left behind work to cope.

Or the death or thing happens so fast there was never time to let hope in.

I can only describe the sound as the death of hope. Not the loss of hope. Not the inability to see hope. Not hope quietly leaving the room. It was the sound hope makes when it's killed. It's the rarest of sounds I have ever heard.

The professor said there was no point in trying to continue class, so we were dismissed. To give some perspective – on September 11 2001 – classes were held as normal and we were told not spend any class time discussing the "incident."

When leaving class, the halls of the building were empty except for this stain of sound that I think I could still find if I ever went back to campus.

Things Not Relevant To Me

According to FaceBook there are a lot of things I should be interested in and that I need to know about. This is based on my browsing history - including research I have done for things I don't like or care about - and probably everything else.

Items not relevant to me:

• "Trendy" things
• ___ for District Attorney
•  “Funny” blogs
• “Thon”
• 21 questions
• 30 day stuff
• Adopt a Rainforest
• Air conditioning
• Alumni groups
• Animal auctions
• Animal blogs
• Anime
• Anime art
• Answers™ About Me
• Anti-aging junk
• Any post by someone with only one name
• Anything listed as “Amazing”
• Apple sauce ads
• Auctions
• Backyard Monsters
• Ballet gyms
• Banks
• Bark Box
• Barre related…whatever
• Beachbody
• Beauty things
• Bedding
• Beer
• Bingo Bash
• Birthday Cards
• Birthdays
• Birthdays
• BookTracker
• Box services
• BranchOut
• Bruce
• Bubble Safari
• Bubble Safari Ocean
• Bubble Witch Saga
• Candy Crush Saga
• Candy Crush Soda Saga
• Car dealerships
• Cartoons
• Castle Age
• CastleVille
• Cat blogs
• Cat foundations
• Cat toys
• Cat tribute pages
• Celebrities open boxes in video clips
• Chiropractic services
• Christmas gifts
• CityVille
• Clothing
• Clothing services
• Colleges
• Confidence
• Cosplay
• Crafty things
• Credit cards
• Credit Unions
• Cute Baby Animals
• Cycling 
• Daily struggles
• Democrat committee
• Dental services
• DJs
• Doctors giving advice
• Dog blogs
• Dog walking services
• Earthkeepers
• Education repeater sites
• Elementary schools
• Empires & Allies
• Escape rooms
• Expeditions
• Family Feud
• Farm Town
• FarmVille
• FBCredits Rewards
• Film companies
• Fitness apps
• Fitness groups
• Fitness studios
• Flixster
• Food delivery services
• Foundations to help people
• FrontierVille
• Furniture
• Gadgets
• Garage opening stuff
• Garden suggestions
• Gardens of Time: Hidden Object
• Glittery things
• GoFundMes
• GoTerra
• Groupon
• Growing Gifts
• Hair color
• Hair color
• Halloween Treats
• Happy Aquarium
• Harry Potter stuff
• Health For All Kids
• Heating 
• Heating & Air Conditioning
• Hidden Chronicles
• High schools
• Higher education online schools
• Home suggestions
• House of Fun - Slots
• Houses for sale
• Houzz
• How Dub C are YOU?
• I Love ___ ads
• I want to add your birthday
• In vitro fertilization 
• Jaw dropping sites
• Kardashians
• Kate Middleton
• Kidnap!
• Kitty's favour
• Knixwear
• Lifetime
• Lip balm
• Local papers
• Luxury Bedrooms
• Lyft
• Mafia Wars
• Magic tree house
• Makeup
• Mall World
• Mambo Italiano
• MedLearn Publishing
• Meme groups
• MMA stuff
• Moisturizer
• Motivational speakers
• Movie things
• Movie trailers
• Museums
• My Friend Secrets
• National Car Rental
• Nature groups
• NBL
• New math
• NFL
• NHL
• Nurse stuff
• Nursing bras
• Oddity mall
• Orange for ASPCA
• Painting and drinking companies
• Parenting st**
• Parent-Teacher Associations
• PathWords
• Paula's Choice
• Pay Pal
• People running for boards
• Period panties
• Pet boutiques
• Pet spas and salons
• Pet toy delivery services
• Philadelphia Eagles Fans
• Photographers
• Photos from schools
• Pillow Fight
• Pink Ribbon
• Pintrest
• Pioneer Trail
• Pirates: Rule the Caribbean!
• Plus-sized clothing services
• Podcast ads
• Pole dancing or fitness
• Political thing
• Poll
• Posters
• Produce delivery
• Quiz results
• Radio stations
• Rare Irish Stuff
• Real estate teams
• Realtors
• Rebecca (f**k you Rebecca, get out of my feed).
• Religious things
• Republican committee
• Rescue missions
• Restaurants
• Rock gyms
• Roller Coaster Kingdom
• Salons
• School districts
• Sleep
• Slotomania Slot Machines
• Slots Madness
• SmoothTV
• Snack delivery services
• Social Interview
• Socks
• Sports fan pages
• Sports groups
• Sports products
• Style blogs
• Tampon ads
• Teacher stuff
• Telecommunications
• Tetris Battle
• The cure for _____
• The cure for cancer
• The cure for diabetes
• The Pink Ribbon
• The Sims Social
• The state of Ohio
• The White House
• Things that make you look less fat
• Things you can do with your kids
• Thrift shops
• Top Neighbor 3.0
• Toys
• Tracking normal stuff apps
• Tractor ads
• Treasure Isle
• Tree services
• Treehut
• Tribute Balloon
• T-shirt making stuff
• Uber
• Vacuum cleaner ads
• Vet pages
• Video game ads
• Walking Dead stuff
• Warrior princess children
• Watches
• Wellness Centers
• What body part are you?
• What is your Stripper Name?
• What Sunny Character Are You?
• Which ghost sleeps in your room?
• Which Labyrinth Character are You?
• Who would be your celebrity boyfriend?
• Wikibuy
• Wile E. Coyote's ACME Products for Friends
• Win _____
• Window replacement
• Wine companies
• Wireless companies
• Words of Wonder
• Working mom sh**
• World Domination: Total War
• Zoo World
• Zoos

Keeping Communication Real

Lucky the Rescue Cat

My cat, Lucky the Cat, has a Twitter account – you can follow him at @LuckytheRescue.

He mostly sleeps and makes snarky feline commentary on being weird as sh**

Today he is getting blood work at the vet.

Fostering Check List

Did you make some type of resolution to foster cats or kittens? You should have. 

If you are thinking about fostering kittens or cats, here is a practical list of things you will need! It might seem like a lot, but, it’s really not.

• Blankets: Something soft and easy to wash that you don’t mind poop and vomit on.
• Cat sitter: If you have to go away for a night or a few days, know you have someone who can watch the animals.
• Food bowls: One per animal, even if they all eat from the same dish. You don’t really even need to buy a bunch, use a small salad or appetizer plate. Small kittens will have better access to the food and won’t tip the plate as easily. Also, some cats don’t like whiskers touching the sides of bowls, so, get something with a lot profile or use a small salad or appetizer plate.
• Heating pad: Very young kittens need to be kept warm. They would normally be snuggling together and with their mom for warmth. Use a water bottle rapped in towels or any number of kitten-approved warmers (like Snuggle Safe). Also, make sure the area you are keeping your fosters in is nice and warm.
• Journal: You will need to record any mediation or behavior information for medical records or to track any possible problems.
• Litter box: Should be one per two cats or kittens. Remember, small kittens might need a lower-profile box to get into.
• Litter: Use dust-free and kitten approve if you have kittens.
• Lot of food: Dry food and stinky wet food. Cats and kittens live by smell, so, make sure you have stinky food to encourage eating. Kittens get their nutrition from wet food and bulk from dry food. Check with the vet or rescue about what they recommend.
• Pee cleaner: Accidents happen so you should have good cleaners that eliminate the urine smell so kittens won’t want to pee in the same space again.
• Pet Carrier: You will have to transport your animals. Sometimes a rescue will lend you a carrier, which you need to return. If not, you do need a good carrier that is the appropriate size and lined with blankets. This carrier will protect the animals in the event of a car accident and also provide a safe, controllable space.
• Space: Cats and kittens should have their own space they can hide in to feel safe and alone. It should be removed from people and understood that when the animals are there, they should be left alone.
• Toys!: Sure, they will play with whatever, but, have some toys for them to rip up and chase around.
• Water bowl: Cleaned daily, easy to access and not so deep that a kitten can get stuck in it. Though, they will, at some point, splash into it.

Additional no-charge items:

• LOVE: Endless, unconditional love even when they are being demons. A lot of these animals had a rough start and rough life – they need nothing but love.
• Time. A lot of fostering is just being there and letting the animal come to you. Read a book in the same room or spend time playing with the cat or kitten. Part of fostering is showing the animal that people are actually pretty cool.

That’s it! With these things, you’ll be ready to invite some kittens or cats into your home and help them on their way to a happy and forever home!

This Made Me Chortle

I was looking up my blog stats as to what is my most popular post. And...then I was like...*chortle*



I assumed the Sexy-Time Cake Story would have been doing better than 5 Things No One Told Me About Fostering Kittens

Then again, this seems MORE accurate. Right?