The Birthday Thing

I hate my birthday. I really do. I’m not a big fan. I sort of white-knuckle through it with all the passion of someone who just felt the esthetician do a final rub of the cloth strap stuck to your bikini area..

That is what my birthday feels like to me.

Other than I never had my bikini area waxed so my emotional metaphors are all hypothetical - unlike my bikini hair.

Something about singing a weird song that's not in strophic form and setting food on fire. Come on, that’s weird.

I dislike the attention of people being all wide-eyed at me or the stereotypical "you're a woman so you look 25 LOLZ" which is BS. I almost didn't make it to my 27th birthday so having a couple more is nice. But if I try to tell people that, I have ruined the moment by talking about the D word and that's sad.

Also, I can't eat the cake and the whole event just reminds me how I'm not normal.

Birthday remind me I am not normal.

[Gestures wildly]

What I do every year to combat my negative energy over these cultural traditions I don't understand and always get wrong is to create my own tradition.

My first attempt was in 2007, I almost died and lost a lot of my memories. I asked people to send me autographed photos of themselves so I could frame them and put them in my den. Like when people make walls of celebrities and memorabilia. It would be a floor-to-ceiling black-and-white glossy 8x11 photos of everyone I knew. Then I wouldn't forget them - I could look at them and remember that these are the people in my life.

I never got any so I gave up on the request a few years later.

My next attempt I figure needed to be smaller and less based on other people. I heard there was this Jewish tradition that you should always give money to someone when you are on a business trip or entering into a new venture because then the endeavor would be blessed with good intentions.

I have no idea if any of that is true - but I liked the concept of good deeds.

I didn't have a lot of money and I had no energy. I knew I couldn't change someone's life. I was merely alive and trudging through existence. After a lot of running around in my mind, I decided I could donate a dollar for every year and maybe that would be some type of good deed to kick off my year.

If I can be lucky enough to have a birthday, I should have the privilege of providing some token to the world of which I stank up.

I try to ask people what they are donating to or care about in order to get people thinking about what they can do to make the world better with their time or cold, hard cash, and support those who are in various stages of need. It also gives me perspective on what matters outside of my own thoughts and circles.

This year, I donated to American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I also will hopefully be walking in the Out of the Darkness Philadelphia Walk

If you are in crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.

So, no story today while I do what I am doing. Just a simple quote:

Jack London: A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog.